Welcome
Hello and welcome to little decisions! I’m your host, Victoria Cooper! Today’s episode is learn to apologize and I need to start with an apology of my own, to you. You see, I’ve been trying to be the host I thought people wanted, instead of being who I am. I tried to address this in the last episode, but I apologize for still missing the mark. I apologize for trying to be someone I’m not, I’m sorry for pretending.
Do you believe me? I hope so, because, my apology is genuine. And that’s one important aspect of a true apology: authenticity. To be kind is to admit when you are wrong, sooner rather than later. But we can talk more about that in a minute.
Housekeeping
Before we get going today, I wanted to take care of some housekeeping! I also know that if I spend these next few minutes trying out my real voice, I may hit my stride as we really get moving through today’s show!
So, what’s going on with this podcast, besides the host’s not even mid-season crisis? This podcast is now on Apple and Google podcasts, basically wherever you get your podcasts! This makes me feel legit, like I’ve met some superficial but necessary milestone. If you are now impressed with the growing popularity of this show and want to consider being a guest on the podcast, please go to littledecisionspodcast.com and click “Contact us” to reach out! Or, simply email us directly at: littledecisionspodcast@gmail.com!
The blog is coming along nicely. I fully admit I have more ideas than actual posts, but the ideas I have are great! I’m doing a blog not to spread myself too thin but to supplement the work I present on here. This is also the purpose of war room diaries, my vlog series on youtube. I am hoping that all these things combined make captain planet. Wait, no, make for an experience with this podcast unlike anything else out there!
Question of the Week
- True or False 1. An apology is an opportunity to be your best self when
you weren’t before.
Results: 30 say true, 1 says false - True or False 2. An apology should
focus on the offending behaviors,
not the other person’s response.
Results: 27 say true, 4 say false - True or False 3. There are rules to apologizing.
Results: 17 say true & 14 say false
Main Segment: Learn to apologize
I mentioned earlier the importance of authenticity when it comes to apologizing; is that how you learn to apologize?
For me, I discovered the power found in learning to apologize while I was a substance abuse counselor. In a room full of admitted liars, how do you offer a genuine apology?
An apology is more that the words its made of. It represents: humility, integrity, growth & grace. An apology allows for accountability and, when necessary, restitution. I firmly believe an apology is a chance to be your better self, especially since maybe you weren’t before.
Giving an apology is a chance at bravery, a step towards vulnerability. Being willing to be uncomfortable allows for genuine growth. Acknowledging and accepting our role in a sticky situation also feels essential in learning to apologize.
So, let’s learn about a true apology. To this I refer to the 9 essential ingredients of a true apology from Dr. Harnet Lerner. She is the author of the book “Why won’t you apologize”. I first encountered this receipe for apologizing on the Unlocking us podcast with Brene Brown.
Here are the 9 essential ingredients of a true apology according to Dr. Lerner.
- Does not include the word “but”.
- Keeps the focus on your actions and not on the other person’s response.
- Includes an offer of reparation or restitution that fits the situation.
- Does not over do.
- Doesn’t get caught up in who’s more to blame or who started it.
- Requires that you do your best to avoid a repeat performance.
- Should not serve to silence.
- Shouldn’t be offered to make you feel better if it risks making the hurt party feel worse.
- Does not ask the hurt party to do anything, not even to forgive.
Do you remember?
What is the Olympics you remember? At the market this weekend, I was part of a conversation about the Olympics! Let’s have a listen. (audio)
- Olympic facts:
Random acts of kindness
- Over 500 pineapples, that’s amazing Caleb!
Whatcha Doin?
Whatcha doin is a segment inspired by the thousands upon thousands of times I’ve asked my sister Elizabeth: whatcha doin?
Links/References:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1996_Su…
https://brenebrown.com/wp-content/upl…
https://search.yahoo.com/search?fr=mc…
https://www.amazon.com/Anxious-People…